DEAR ABBY: Biological father’s long-standing secret remains hidden from his sister

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DEAR ABBY: I have a stepsister who is 14 years younger, and there is a sensitive genealogical subject that I have never shared with her. Her “father” married our mother when she was pregnant with another man’s child. This man lied to her about being single and wanting to marry her. My step dad came on the scene, fell in love with mum (knowing she was pregnant) and married her before she gave birth to my stepsister which is why her birth certificates show it like the father.

I had urged them both to tell him, but they kept saying “now is not the time”, and now they are both dead. I’m 70 now and don’t know how (or if) I should approach her. I would appreciate your advice in this delicate matter.

– Fraternal situation

DEAR BROTHER: I advise readers to disclose this kind of information so that relevant medical data can be viewed, if necessary. If you know the identity of your half-sister’s biological father and her family’s place of residence, you must reveal this family secret to her so that she can, if necessary, find out if there is a genetic predisposition. cancer, heart problems, etc. His life or the lives of his children could benefit from this information.

DEAR ABBY: I have two sons and a daughter. My youngest son will be getting married in a few months. While he and his sister had a close relationship, they have been separated since their father died a year ago. I have reason to believe that he will not invite his sister to attend the wedding.

I plan to have a heart-to-heart conversation about this with my son and find out what his intentions are. I see an invitation not only as an appropriate etiquette, but also as an opportunity to make a peace offering.

Could you please advise me on the best way to approach it about this and more specifically what words to use? I fear that if an invitation is not extended, their relationship may become impossible to mend. I have to mention that while they are both kindhearted people, they are also stubborn.

– Heartbroken mom

DEAR MOM: Whatever happened between your son and your daughter, it must have been an idiot for causing a year-long separation. If you want to approach your son, do so against the backdrop of your fear that if she is not invited to his wedding, you fear that the estrangement will become permanent. But after that, know that this is his wedding and that it is his prerogative and that of his fiancée to decide who should celebrate with them.

DEAR ABBY: A colleague of mine recently passed away. I sent a sympathy card to his wife and family. The gentleman who died has a best friend who works with me, and they were very close, almost like brothers. They would go fishing together, go to football games, etc. I know the friend is in mourning too. Would it be okay to send this friend a sympathy card as well?

– Caring friend

DEAR Benevolent FRIEND: I see nothing wrong with doing this. Your colleague has clearly suffered a significant loss, and an expression of sympathy would be thoughtful and appropriate.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write to Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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